a w e s o m e o w

Prison Rules: As complete as I could make 'em

• Prison rules
• Yo: You are only allowed to start fights with regular prisoners if and only if they bash your fandom(s).
• Yo: gay pairings. Remember this when someone acts up.
• Yo: Play nice and kindly help others if they ask for it.
• Yo: we would like to ask you to turn your cries off after 11pm. However this rule doesn't apply on Sunday. No wearing sheets around the prison. People are starting to feel violated.
• Yo: We know bananas are high in potassium. Leave it. Also your screwdriver is not sonic and will be confiscated.
• Yo: please do not take all the salt from the cafeteria.
• 7. Fans are allowed to be in more than one fandom, do not seclude them if they do.
• Yo: That is not a wand, it is a stick, and it is not allowed indoors.
• Yo: Those prison guards are not secretly a couple, stop shipping everything.
• Yo: The furniture is for SITTING/SLEEPING on, not jumping, so please refrain from doing so.
• Yo: No breaking out, you're not River Song and this isn't Storm Cage
• Yo: Zutarans and Kataangers to stop infighting immediately. We're all in this together. Also fake bending battles to be confined to rec time please, you're weirding out the guards.
• Yo: There are no such things as Wheezers, you're scaring the other inmates with your weird stories.
• Yo: Please stop crafting shivs while glaring menacingly at other shippers after every ship war you guys have. It's getting ridiculous and they're really starting to pile up.
• Yo: please do not steal the emergency supply of rum.
• Yo: stop destroying all the cleaning buckets, they won't look like that damn helmet anyway
• Yo: You're not in the prison level, there is no need to hide in dark corners and cry for your lantern. You are freaking out your inmates.
• Yo: No forcing each fandom to select a champion to send in battle against one another.
• Yo: Love and Tolerate the shit out of EVERYONE.
• Yo: Don't be afraid to like the other prisoners. Joss can't kill them off in here.
• Yo: Stop stealing the Whovian's lipstick. You are not the Joker.
• Yo: Don't pick fights with the Harry Potter fans in the cafeteria. You cannot slay them with sparkles.
• Yo: You can't insist we pray to Moffat during religious services. Your prayers do not appease him or his troll Gatiss. Also, We don't know how you got on the roof (or how you have jars of jam) But please stop attempting to jump off the roof claiming the doctor will catch you in the TARDIS.
• Yo: Those aren't coats. Those are blankets you've fashioned to look like coats. Stop it! ...It's the middle of winter and we don't have the budget for this.
• Yo: No, we aren't going to establish a policy of exposing every staff member and inmate to sunlight on a daily basis 'just to make sure'. And no, you can't all work in the woodshop making 'stakes'. Sorry, those are just wooden shivs.
• Yo: Your cellmates do not appreciate the chalk circles you keep drawing on the walls. Besides, for it to work you’d have to have the end of the wormhole be on the outside of the prison. Unless you are just sneaking into the kitchen.
• Yo: Stop calling people “milk-drinkers”. You don’t even know what that MEANS. Also no-one wants to hear about your knee.
• Yo: Pretty sure the guards are looking out for that escape technique by now. You’re never going to grow a convincing beard anyway.
• Yo: You are NOT Inigo Montoya, your father is upset that you are in jail, and if you quote this again you should prepare to die.
• Yo: No one else can see your daemon, so it’s kind of freaking people out that you talk to it so much.
• Yo: The egg you get at breakfast is hard boiled. It will never hatch into a dragon, and hoarding them under your pillow won’t change that. Cut it out, they are starting to smell.
• Yo: Actually, the freeze ray you are making out of matchsticks looks quite cool. You may proceed. But hitting on other people on laundry day is unacceptable.
• Yo: Just because they’re not in your fandom doesn’t make them Cylons! They would appreciate it if you stopped quizzing them on human emotions.
• Yo: It COULD be Lupus. But I think you’re getting the prison doctor, not House, to check it out.
• Yo: Um, no, you can’t act like that because we don’t live in the 60’s anymore. Put out that cigar and stop groping the buxom ladies.
• Yo: Stop trying to kill the Twilight fans. You started the whole romanticizing thing, so it’s partially your fault!
• Yo: No matter how much you petition the parole board, they will never transfer you to “the Wall”
• Yo: After you make the necessary jokes, you really should fix the computer. How else will the fanfiction get written?
• Yo: Pretending to get drunk on the water is not that funny.
• Yo: Please share your neurotic tendencies only with those who give permission. Organizing people’s cells when they are out in the yard is likely to get you punched.
• Yo: Just because his name is Kenny doesn’t give you the right to kill him! Also he is not a cartoon. Put the prisoner down.
• Yo: No we are not proxies trying to torment you. Put down that camera and knife right now.
• Yo: You are no longer permitted in the arts and crafts room if you keep attempting to preform surgery on the tables.
• Yo: Stop trying to eat the inmates! You will not gain memories or their appearance by doing so.
• Yo: You are no longer allowed near any electrical equipment. We've lost a lot of your type because you kept sticking forks in the sockets trying to gain its energy.
• Yo: We are not Heartless, we are not Nobodies. Put down that broomstick, it is not a keyblade.
• Yo: You are not allowed near the gray face paint anymore. We will also be forced to remove a certain water holding container if you don't stop trying to have sex over top of them. It is unsanitary.
• Yo: Stop snapping our silverware in half. It's not considered metalbending and if you continue, we will be forced to use plastic forks and knives again..
• Yo: John is not a homosexual, period.
• Yo: Don't worry, I'd get you out.
• Yo: Stop drawing transmutation circles on the floors in chalk. You are not alchemists.
• Yo: Please refrain from digging up the dirt in the courtyard. It's starting to irritate the guards.
• Yo: Wait, where the fuck is the Fringe fandom? (Meanwhile, Fringe fans are chilling in another universe in an alternate timeline, rewatching season 12384132746946 of Fringe.)
• Yo: Please don't eat all of our ice cream sandwiches supply in one night, you can't go to Walmart at 2 in the morning to buy more.
• Yo: Quit climbing shit, the guards will think you're trying to escape and shoot you down.
• Yo: Stop laughing at everything and stop shipping everyone.
• Yo: If a Belieber gets in prison, he/she will immediately be executed.
• Yo: Stop stealing all the frying pans.
• Yo: We got it. We let the wookie win. Now stop waving your hands about. Your Jedi mind-tricks have no power here.
• Yo: It's worse than that it's physics, Jim. Just because that guard's name is Scotty, does not mean he will "beam you up." No....don't ask him...oh.....
• Yo: Please refrain from stealing from the guards, also please don't punch them, hack into the security system, or try to con guards into letting you out... Evil plotting isn't appreciated either. Also, when we say this prison is breakout proof, it IS breakout proof. Don't try to prove yourselves.
• Yo: His name is Jack. We understand. But he doesn't appreciate you shipping him with everything. He's not immortal and he's never been pregnant.
• Yo: Stop trying to hit the prison guards on the head with paint cans. They did not gain super strength and murderous intentions after being hit by lightning in a mysterious storm, and they are not out to get you. You won't be allowed in the arts and crafts room if this continues.
• Yo: Stop knocking down the security cameras. She is not watching you and you are only ruining expensive equipment.
• Yo: No you cannot take 'Sp00n' with you. It is just a spoon. Sp00n is a horse. Get it right.
• Yo: Your hair will never look like that, so quit trying. Not even if you style it with a fork. Also, we know it's hard, but please try to refrain from bursting into spontaneous song while we're trying to sleep. Not every time is time for a sing-a-long.
• Yo: Yes, you're in prison. No, you're not being experimented on in an attempt to create super soldiers. Even if you were, only the Mar line could survive anyway. Stop screaming bloody murder in your cells; it's scaring the other inmates and the guards.
• Yo: You cannot procreate by eating too much Thai food, so stop making so damn much of it. You have no research capital, so you cannot be Batman. Furthermore, bazinga.
• Yo: No plastic wrap or sheeting allowed.
• Yo: You may only talk between one another, as other inmates do not understand your constant scientific words or your social awkwardness.
• Yo: No, you cannot build a barricade against the other fandoms.
• Yo: You may befriend the rats that run around the cells, but don't try to turn them against other people, because they're probably scared of rats.
• Yo: Please stop drawing doors on the ground in the Courtyard. You don't have the key.
• Yo: Don't go telling people you're life story by showing them poorly drawn storyboards through the bars.
• Yo: We're NEVER going to text you back. Now you dragged us into this?!
• Yo: Stop trying to kill us. We won't all wake up out of jail. We swear if someone had designed this prison, they'd have made it cleaner.
• Yo: You are not Vampires of Vampaeze stop fighting in the cafeteria and I assure you no one is going to pretend to be assaulted so that you can escape through the roof.
• Yo: Lying around with I ATEN'T DEAD on a card is creepy. Your luggage isn't coming to bust you out and calling the guard we can't determine the species of Nobby is just pissing him off.
• Yo: That book is just a book of fairy-tales you stole from the library, not proof that we're all fairy-tale characters. Also, stop trying to make contracts with the rest of the inmates. Not one of them will give you their first-born.
• Yo: Singing 'You Are The Voice' is forbidden from 10pm onwards. And stop trying to sneak out by hiding behind pillars and in adjacent hallways, our guards aren't that stupid.
• Yo: Playing with feathers while outside is fine, but please refrain from brining them inside they're making a mess.
• Yo: You are not 'One Hell Of A Butler', you really are just a pedophile. Also stop stealing the forks and using them as weaponry.
• Yo: That's not a wardrobe. It's a supply cabinet. Stop jumping out and yelling "For Narnia!" It's not clever.
• Yo: We know Winter is coming. It comes every year. Stop telling us. Also, stop huddling with the Whedonites, you can like us; Martin can't kill us in here.
• Yo: That is someone's wedding ring. Not your precious.
• Yo: NO head-slapping other fandoms
• Yo: Please use words we understand, we do not know what " Aster", "Whelmed", or " Traught" means. We are tired of guessing what you are trying to say.
• Yo: Please stop stealing the spoons and complimenting the guards' nails. It's creeping them out. Also, we have no idea why we're going to Vroengard so stop asking.
• Yo: Stop eating the metal flakes, those are going to kill you. And please stop trying to make your creepy tassel cloaks from the ropes, we need those in the workshops.
• Yo: Don't try to stab other inmates with a pen!
• Yo: There are no food battles in the cafeteria. Stop reading Ianthony fanfics. And stop taking all the pink frosted sprinkled donuts.
• Yo: limit to 3 cats each, we don't have enough room for all 34 of your cats.
• Yo: For the last time, put DOWN the butterknives!
• Yo: No biting the other Inmates. They do not want to be part of your pack.
• Yo: The guards are not dementors. Stop trying to cast patronuses.
• Yo: We're trying valiantly to understand your obsession with Alexander Skarsgard. Don't bite us.
• Yo: We don't wish to be in your pants, no matter how funny that is to add to things. However, we promise to tell you DFTBA, if you promise to tell us the same.
• Yo: No amount of diggy diggy will ever get you out.
• Yo: Calling everything brilliant all the time is getting on everyone's nerves, and please stop trying to steal the whiskey.
• Yo: Not everyone is part of a government agency working to take down the Network.
• Yo: Please stop 'calibrating'. You cannot be 'in the middle of some calibrations' every time someone tries to talk to you. And no, it cannot wait.
• Yo: Only 67 more seasons to go before you find out who the mother is. And stop requesting the highest of fives from the prison guards.
• Yo: No, you are not in the desert. You don't have a longshot, so quit trying to find an open window to escape out of.
• Yo: NO GUNS allowed, no matter how many times there's a dinosaur on the loose and you have to save the world. Also, take it easy on the sarcasm: And PLEASE stop keeping your radios on 87.6FM, it's getting annoying!
• Yo: Stop trying to create a pile of dead bodies everywhere. Making everyone kill each other is not allowed. Homoeroticism is fine.
• Yo: No, you cannot get out of jail for good behavior by creating a bogus charity. And, for the love of God, stop singing "We Are Family" at 3am!
• Yo: There is no need to bring your finger to your head everytime you have an idea for an escape route. Please stop asking the guards if they are fans of delicious flavor. Do not shout "SBPD!" while pretending to kick down the door from 10p.m. to 9 a.m. And please stop trying to kill the Mentalist fandom with pineapples.
• Yo: The guard's tatoos are not runes, and he is not a shadowhunter. Also, please stop trying to give alliance runes to the twilight fandom.
• Yo: No, that stray cat outside is NOT Church, and you shouldn't be fighting with the Mortal Instruments fandom, even if you're trying to find out who's related to who. And it's perfectly acceptable for men and women to be in the same prison. This isn't Victorian era, sherlock.
• Yo: Don't ask people to leave if they mention melons.
• Yo: You are not a genius nor are you a detective. Stop sitting like that and taking all the sweets.
• Yo: For the love of god, stop tearing up people's paper and promising to kill anyone wearing pink. Please be mindful that the math textbooks do NOT need to be corrected to reflect "proper pairings." Also "Shinigami lives!" should not be shouted more than once a day.
• Yo: Stop shouting JALAPENO! every time they serve jalapenos in the cafeteria. The staff are discussing removing them completely and most of us rather like them.
• Yo: Shouts of "POLKA WILL NEVER DIE!" are banned after 11PM unless it is the night before Oktoberfest and/or you possess a resurrected T-rex.
• Yo: Your rag-dolls will not come to life no matter how hard you try. Also, stop getting ink all over the uniforms, you're not 6.
• Yo: For the love of Christ, we are not giving you any more batteries, and stop it with the narrating. We get it, you want to be like Stephen King, but you don't need to narrate every little thing you do. We can see you doing it.
• Yo: No, you can not scale that wall and hop to the other successfully. Your arms are essentially made out of putty and we live in a world where physics don't get fucked.
• Yo: We get it, you're funny and can make references to shit we've never heard of, that doesn't mean you mock the guards.
• Yo: Stop worshiping the mangoes in the prison kitchen they are not holy.
• Yo: Please refrain from throwing gift baskets at the other inmates.
• Yo: you are not allowed to take over prison cells and claim your cell to be independent unless you form an alliance with ALL the fandoms to do so.
• Yo: Don't be an asshole to the new prisoners just because you've been there longer. Some new prisoners actually have brains.
• Yo: Our cells are not pokeballs. You can't summon other fandoms to duel.
• Yo: Just because the guards carry night-sticks stop asking them to bite you to death. That's not even a practical way to ask to be killed.
• Yo: This is not the Circle of Magi, this is prison. Escaping does not make you an "apostate," it makes you a fugitive, and will result in solitary confinement upon recapture. Also, please stop drawing red lines across your faces with permanent marker. You are not the Champion of Kirkwall and it just looks silly when it starts to fade.
• Yo: You can only preach about the heart of the cards on Saturday.
• Yo: Please stop secretly turning fandoms against each other. They're doing a pretty good job already. Thanks anyway.